


not here

by laireshi



Category: Avengers (Comics), Marvel 616, Marvel Adventures: Avengers
Genre: Angst, M/M, Presumed Dead, Stony Bingo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-10
Updated: 2014-11-10
Packaged: 2018-02-24 22:15:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2598395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laireshi/pseuds/laireshi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony looks at the body lying on the table and thinks, <i>This is wrong</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	not here

**Author's Note:**

  * For [runningondreams](https://archiveofourown.org/users/runningondreams/gifts), [magicasen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicasen/gifts).



> You're both evil.
> 
> Thanks for beta to [Teyke](http://archiveofourown.org/users/teyke) :)
> 
> A fill for the "cold" square on my bingo card.
> 
> A Chinese translation by [NakyC](http://archiveofourown.org/users/NakyC/pseuds/NakyC) is available [here](http://www.movietvslash.com/thread-142712-1-1.html) :)

Tony looks at the body lying on the table and thinks, _This is wrong_.

It's such an obvious thing to state he wants to laugh at himself. Of course it's wrong. The body looks like Steve, he can admit as much, but it can't be him. It can't, because Steve isn't dead. He's alive – Tony isn't sure where he is right now, but it's not a big deal, it's not as if they're chained to each other – Steve is all right, and not lying cold and unmoving on an exam table.

“It's not him,” Tony says aloud. He doesn't even look like him, he's – younger, somehow, _different_. He's in civilian clothes, and there's a ring set next to him – _found it in his pocket_ , the pathologist said, and Tony knows for a fact Steve doesn't like jewellery, there's no point for him to have a ring.

Next to him, Carol takes in a breath like a sob, and Tony doesn't get it. It's not Steve, so what's the problem?

“Tony,” she says. “You can't – look at him.”

“I am,” he says. “It's not Steve.”

It can't be Steve, because if it were Steve, Tony –

He stumbles back, away from the table, further still until his back hits the wall. He slides down it, doesn't really notice it.

“It's not him,” he says. “It's not, it's not, it's not –” he can't talk through the tears, and he's acting so stupidly, _it's not Steve_ , but what if . . .

 _No, it's not him_ , he says again and again.

***

Steve's not at home.

He doesn't answer his phone, and his comm, and Tony tries to ping his Avengers ID card –

Tony runs the program again and again, and it can't localise Steve's comm unit.

It's almost as wrong as the sight of not-Steve's body in the mortuary was: Tony has designed their ID cards, he knows the chips are almost indestructible, where the hell is Steve that he can't be found?

Tony looks at the logged data, and there was a spike in Steve's vitals, and then –

 _Nothing_.

But Steve has to be all right, so it means the chip malfunctioned, Tony fucked it up somehow.

***

“Tony,” Jan says, pleadingly.

“It's not him,” he repeats, like he always does when someone brings it up – and many people did, in the last few hours.

She touches his arm. “I remember you after the war,” she says very quietly. “Let us help this time, Tony.”

Tony almost laughs hysterically. “There's no _this time_ ,” he says. “He's alive.”

He lets her hug him, but he doesn't get why. Steve is all right.

***

They're discussing the _funeral_. 

Tony isn't sure why. Shouldn't they first find the family of this person, so similar to Steve?

Shouldn't they find _Steve_?

Tony stays in his workshop and works.

When the door opens, he swings around, expecting to see Steve – who else could enter it like that? Then he sees Rhodey and looks down.

He hears Rhodey sigh. “Tones, you can't –”

“I can,” Tony says.

“I saw the body,” Rhodey says quietly. “It's him.”

“It's not,” Tony says, because it's the one thing he can be sure of.

If it is Steve . . . What's the point of Tony, anymore?

“It's not him,” he repeats. “What he'd have that ring for? Steve doesn't . . .”

Rhodey looks very serious. “You've been together how long?”

Tony almost laughs, feeling as if he's going mad, because Rhodey can't be suggesting _that_. “Yeah, no,” he says.

“They checked his DNA,” Rhodey says. “I'm sorry, Tony, but –”

“But nothing,” Tony cuts in. He digs his nails in his palms until it hurts. “It can be . . .” He feels something hard under his nails, and remembers.

The chip, designed to warn them about incursions, that he hadn't taken out, just in case.

“It can be alternate him,” he finishes, because it's so obvious.

Rhodey puts his hand on Tony's arm and squeezes. “Tony, I know it's hard, but . . .” he hesitates, and Tony suddenly knows what he's going to say. “You fixed the incursions, and you said it yourself – the universes are separated for good now.”

Tony shakes his head. “I was wrong before,” he says. “I can be wrong now.”

It's been years, the multiverse might be fixing itself. And even if it means incursions can happen again – having Steve alive is worth it. 

Having Steve alive is worth _anything_.

“Don't give yourself hope, Tony,” Rhodey asks quietly.

It's not hope, Tony wants to say. It has to be the truth. Steve has to be lost somewhere in the multiverse, and it's just another him here . . . Because Tony can't bear it if it isn't.

“It almost killed you, after the superhero war,” Rhodey says. “I won't let you do that to yourself again.”

Tony shakes his head. “Stop bringing that up, will you? It's not like that. He's not dead.”

“Tony . . .”

Tony turns on his chair and looks at the screens. He starts up a program monitoring multiversal radiation.

***

He wakes up, and someone's hand is on his arm. He smiles. He knew Steve would be back.

“Tired, Steve,” he says.

The hand tightens. “Tony, look at me,” he hears, and it's not Steve's voice.

He shrugs the hand off and doesn't open his eyes. “How did you get here?” he asks.

“You didn't lock the door,” Carol replies. 

That's true, he remembers. Rhodey left, and Tony didn't bother closing the door behind him, because he wasn't working on the armour, and really, the only other person who'd come to his workshop was Steve.

And Carol, apparently.

“What do you want?” Tony asks.

“The funeral is in two days,” she replies.

“Without his family?” Tony looks at her. “You don't –”

“I'm talking to his family now!” she yells. “Tony, look – he was my friend too, but you can't – you can't . . .” She looks down. “Don't do that to yourself,” she whispers.

“It's not him,” Tony replies. “You saw him, it wasn't him, he had a ring and too long hair and . . .” he trails off. “It's not as if we never met alternate universes versions of us,” he says.

“After the incursions, Tony?”

He looks at his screens briefly. “It's a possibility.”

She must have noticed where he looked, because she says, “so tell me, did your computers pick anything up?”

Tony hits the lock screen button and they go black. “My lab isn't made for this,” he says, because it really isn't, and – well, it doesn't mean anything that there are no results, right. “I'll go to Reed.”

“Tony.” She sounds helpless. “He wouldn't want you to . . .”

“To do what, find him?” he asks sharply. Steve would never abandon him, and Tony isn't about to do it, either.

He gets up and she stands in front of him, her arms on her hips. “You can't go on like that,” she says.

“I have to, Carol,” Tony says. “I can't leave him.”

She looks at him for a long while before stepping away.

“You won't find anything,” she says quietly. “You want to try anything. I understand. But, Tony, it might destroy you.”

He doesn't reply.

If he doesn't find Steve . . .

He will.

***

He'll need something from the other Steve, because universe radiation can stay on objects for a long time and it makes identifying universes so much easier. 

The body is on the helicarrier. Tony flies there and keeps his mask firmly down.

“I want to see him,” he says, and he wonders what they'll do. He realises not everyone trusts him, but he's also down as Steve's next of kin – _if it were Steve_ – and . . .

“Stark.” Maria Hill stands in front of him, her face set.

“I want to see him,” he repeats.

“So I heard,” she says. “And I'm not sure I should let you.”

“Try and stop me,” he says. It's not really a threat, but he thinks it could be. It's enough to imagine it was his –

 _No_.

“You have five minutes,” she says. “Don't – it's not like the war now, you know that.”

He nods, and he doesn't wonder what the hell he did after the superhero war.

The body is set in stasis. Tony doesn't look at the dead man's face as he's let in. He stands to block the cameras, and takes the ring out of the box with not-Steve's personal belongings. It's the only thing there, but Tony's prepared, and he leaves a simple band in its place.

Then he leaves, and doesn't look at anyone.

***

Reed is surprised to see him, Tony can say, but he doesn't ask any _personal_ questions and Tony could kiss him for that.

“So you think multiversal travel might still be possible?” Reed asks, frowning. He leads Tony to his lab.

“Yes,” Tony says, because _it has to be true_. “We . . .” He's not sure how to say it. Reed clearly hasn't heard yet, and Tony's not sure how it's possible, with the funeral date set and so, so unnecessary. 

Reed turns his head to look at him.

“Steve's gone,” Tony whispers. “They found a body – but it's _not him._ ”

“How do you –”

“I just know, okay,” Tony says. “Wouldn't you recognize Sue . . . always?”

Reed nods. He opens the lab, and Tony immediately goes to the equipment he knows Reed used for his adventures in the multiverse, before they fixed the incursions and made it impossible.

And missed something, obviously, because Steve has to be in another universe now.

Tony takes the ring out of his pocket and sets it on the scanner. He very carefully doesn't look at it.

If he finds where the dead Steve is from, he will find _his_ Steve.

Reed powers up the workstation, types in a few commands –

The effect is immediate and surprising to both of them.

The gate opens, and there are two figures there –

“Steve!” Tony doesn't wait for the portal to close. He runs to Steve, wraps his arms around him, feels him warm and alive under his hands.

Steve embraces him back, and Tony's shaking, because _Steve is here_ and _he's alive_ and _Steve is really really here_ and . . . 

“Tony,” Steve said. “Hey, Tony, what's wrong?”

Tony realises he's crying, and he shakes his head, hides his face in Steve's neck. He _knew_ Steve had to be all right, but seeing him back . . .

“You're here,” he says. “You're back. You're here.”

“Well,” a very familiar voice says. “I definitely get how you're feeling, but I miss my Steve too.”

Tony freezes.

 _My Steve_.

The dead Steve.

And he knows, he knows exactly what it will do to this other him he hasn't even looked at yet . . . Tony digs his fingers deeper in Steve's back and doesn't say a word.

“Tony?” Steve asks, and pushes him away at arm's length. Tony wants to kiss him, and thinks of the other him watching them, the other him he doesn't want to face.

But he has to. So he takes a step back from Steve, and looks at himself.

He's younger, he thinks. Younger and . . . He's smiling, hopefully, with expectations. There's light shining through his shirt, so he too has an RT node. Tony looks down to his left hand and sees a ring much like the one that's now set on the scanner.

“Come on,” the other Tony says. “Jan's annoyed he hasn't yet tried the anniversary suit. And look, your Steve is great, but he doesn't like basketball.” He wrinkles his nose. “That's very wrong, if you ask me. And Hulk's kittens miss my Steve. I always knew they knew what's good –” He stops talking, suddenly, and just looks at Tony. “Where is he?” he asks, and he sounds very serious now.

Tony looks back at Steve, and doesn't know what to say. Reed is silent. It's probably for the best.

The other Tony's eyes dart around the lab, and then he's going to the scanner, grabbing at the ring Tony set there. “It's his wedding ring,” he says. “I should know, I made it. Where is he?”

“I'm sorry,” Tony says quietly.

“You're sorry,” the other him repeats almost hysterically. “Is he hurt?”

Tony shakes his head mutely. He's dead, he thinks, and the words can't leave his tongue. And I'm so very glad it wasn't my Steve.

He sees the moment the other him gets it. He takes a step back, pressing his hand to the RT. He shakes his head. “No,” he says. “No.” He's not crying, but he's shaking all over, and he's too pale. “How,” he says.

“I don't know,” Tony admits. “Clint found the body.” He can't help it, he glances at his Steve, sees him still there and breathing. He's very tense, but he's alive, and Tony is so grateful. He looks back at the other him, sees him go to the scanner. He takes the ring off and closes it tight in his fist.

“Take me to him,” he says without looking at them. His voice sounds empty. He presses his free hand to his eyes and stays like that.

Tony can't take him to the helicarrier like that, but he doesn't want to leave him alone, because he's not sure what he could do if he heard – that.

“Steve,” he says, very quietly. The other him flinches at the name. “Can you call Carol? You'll give her a shock, but she'll arrange everything. Reed, find him a phone, leave us.” Tony doesn't care he's throwing him out of his own lab.

It's not a normal situation.

The other Tony slides to the ground when they're left alone. “Tell me it's a joke,” he says.

“I'm sorry,” Tony repeats. He feels uncertain, with Steve out of the room now, but he knows he had to do it like that.

The other him whispers something, and Tony thinks he hears not fair. 

It's true. And for once it's him who's the lucky one.

***

In the end, they warn Sue to keep Franklin and Valeria away, and S.H.I.E.L.D.'s agents transport in the stasis tube, Carol on their heels. 

Reed directs them to his other lab, and then Tony tells the other him where to go.

He stands up, wipes at his eyes. He's shaking, but he goes, and Tony sees him reach out towards his Steve, lying so very still, before the door closes.

Tony turns away. The one thing he can give his other self now is privacy. He finds his Steve, standing in the lab the portal opened in, and slides up to him. He has to touch him. Steve's arms encircle him immediately.

“There was a flash of light,” Steve says, “and I was in another world. He worked on sending me back – getting his Steve back.” He takes a deep breath. “And –”

“I'm so happy you're back,” Tony says in a shaking voice. “It'd kill me – Steve.”

Steve kisses the top of Tony's head and keeps him in his arms, and Tony can't forget the look on his counterpart's face as he realised he'd never get to kiss his own Steve again.

***

He's not sure how long it's been when the other him returns. He looks like he was crying, but his voice is steady enough. “I want to go back,” he says, and doesn't look at them at all.

Tony lets Steve go and nods. “The portal opened because it was both of us trying,” he says quietly. “But Reed can recreate it now.”

“Okay,” the other him says. “Now. Please. Let me –”

Tony feels numb as he looks for Reed and helps him prepare the portal again.

When they're ready, he looks up, and sees the other him say something quietly to Steve. Then he returns to standing next to the stretcher with his Steve's body on it. 

“We're ready,” he says to catch his attention.

“Do it,” the other him answers very quietly.

Tony presses the button, and they're gone.

Steve's at his side immediately, and Tony kisses him and once again reminds himself, Steve's alive.

“He asked me not to do that to you,” Steve says, his voice shaking. “I –”

Tony nods, and clings to him.


End file.
